Change Change Change

I love fall. It's my favorite season. The harvest, the crisp air, the leaves that change colors and then fall to the ground, crunchy and spent. It's a great time of year.

To be or not to be?

I really want to do it. But I'm afraid to do it. Wtf is my blooming problem?!? Arrg I hate being afraid, indecisive, intimidated, and insecure.

Just do it little girl.

In other news.

I am REALLY glad that this summer gig dropped into my lap. It's a great opportunity for me to gain more experience music directing, which I want to do a lot more of. It's a wonderful connection and hopefully I will be asked back again someday. It looks great on my resume. It could save me if/when my job gets cut next year.

Gratefulness aside, I am TIRED. I never got a break between gigs. I am really tired and I don't have the energy to nest. The desire is there, but the energy is not.

Positive thoughts, positive thoughts.

The end of another year.

Le sigh, I made it. Thank god. This year has been a roller coaster of highs and lows to such extremes that I thought I would die at times. I mean drop dead from frustration, anger, or sheer disdain. If you are dying from simple emotion it usually means you are so upset that something important inside you pops. Not a pleasant way to go.

Sometimes I wonder "Where the hell did this little minions of the dark side come from? Did they crawl from a crack in the ground? Hellmouth in Sunnyvale?" Then I meet their parents, and it becomes crystal clear. There's a good chance if that little turd in your 3rd pd 7th grade class can't demonstrate respect towards a woman that dear ol' dad will be an ASSHOLE on the phone when you call him to discuss his son's shitty behavior. I will not miss these darling little fuck faces. The best part is the students expect you to just take their attitude and annoying behavior. As a teacher, I don't have the right towards feelings or emotions. I am supposed to just take the abuse and be nice and respectful back. Does anyone see the disconnection with basic human emotion here.

I am glad I have a few weeks off to decompress and forget how much I hate other people's children. Before I have to go back to work.

Why must I always have crushes?!?

So I have a crush, but not the kind that you think I have. I know my reputation has preceded me.....no this crush is on a school district. I love what they do there! I covet their classrooms and their support. I want them to call me up and invite me on a date, bringing my favorite flowers and taking me to a nice restaurant. They will order a nice bottle of red wine and the cheese plate as an appetizer and then lean over and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Like "Please come work for us, we need you, we love you, we can't live without you! Anything you want will be yours! New piano, performance space, keyboard lab, smart board, whatever you need, just please don't make us wait!"

We ride off into the sunset and make beautiful music for happily ever after.