These are the things I've learned.

I will survive. If not, then I don't have anything to worry about anyway.

Be wary and pay attention.

Close your eyes and live your life blindly sometimes.

Tell people that you love them often, even if it sounds cliche and awkward (as long as you mean it).

Sleep is really important.

Good food is really important.

I am a strong woman.

I want to be stronger.

If I trust in myself then I will find the right place.

Fear is a silly set of pants that I wear because I am delusional enough to believe that I should.

mayhaps things are looking up (?!?)

of course i most likely just jinxed myself...

might get more money than expected re:stolen vehicle. work's ok, lookin' up and apparently I'm doing alright. am making more $$ starting this month. house is slowly but surely settling. thank yous are going/gone out.

life keeps on truckin'. glad i've still got my rig and am making good time.

Over my head...

...yup. That about sums it up. G'night.

distracted.

can't seemt to focus on any one thing for more than five minutes. am distracted by thoughts and emotions. my mind wanders all over the place, like an over fed fly who can feel the draft but can't find it's way out of the window.

Purple People

Well hey do you do judo when they surround you
A little mental yoga will they disappear
It's grim but never dubious as motives go
One things she always promise, promise is a show

Thunder wishes it could be the snow
Wishes it could be as loved as she can be
These gifts are here
For her, for you, for me

I watch me do this other thing I never know
If I'm marooned or where the purple people go
Then lily white matricide from vicious words
It doesn't leave a scratch so therefore no one's hurt

Thunder wishes it could be the snow
Wishes it could be as loved as she can be
These gifts are here
For her, for you, for me

And on and on the nurses make it clear
Just when you escape you have yourself to fear
A restaurant that never has to close
Breakfast, every hour it could save the world

So hey do you do judo in your finery
An angel's face is tricky to wear constantly
Thunder wishes it could be the snow
Wishes it could be as loved as she can be
These gifts are here
for her, for you, - for me


Tori Amos

Broken Heartedness

I don't like it when my heart hurts and there is nothing I can do about it. My heart hurts for Jen, for Aunt C. & Kirby, Beeper, and Uncle C. For Nona, Papa, and my Mom and Dad who have to be reminded of the painfulness of losing a child. My heart hurts to know that I knew this was coming, I sensed it a month ago, that she was not long for this world. I wish I could have told her how much I loved her before she left, that I always loved her, that she was always my favorite cousin. I am angry with her for not loving herself as much as I loved her, her mother, her brother, her grandparents, her stepfather, her aunt and uncle, her cousins, her niece and nephew, her stepchildren loved her. My heart hurts because she chose to commit suicide, but to do it slowly and publicly. We all had to sit and watch it take too long, helplessly knowing that she wanted to die and not being able to do anything about it. There were efforts made to reach out to her, to offer help, to give her a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on. She didn't want the help, and I saw behind her eyes that she didn't believe she deserved it. She didn't believe that those of us who are hurting today cared for her at all.

And I am pissed.

bwahahahahahaha!

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

i like this.

more animals

annoyed with the sound of your voice

i am annoyed with the sound of your voice. it grates on my nerves and screams HELLO I AM TOO LOUD. i want to punch you so that you understand how annoyed i am. each punch will represent one of the words that you have just said to me that are too loud.

there will be a lot of punching.