did i take the red pill or the blue pill?

Do you ever have a day that feels like some other day that you've already lived? I know, confusing. What I mean is deja vu of course. All day today I felt like this was a day from my childhood and I've already lived this day. So of course all day I've been plagued by nostalgia and memories. Today feels like a day steeped in time; stuck, stopped, and waiting for the time continium to rev up and continue.

personally.....

I hold these truths to be self-evident (to me):

people are cruel and mean spirited when they don't feel good inside
I have little control on others around me
fear will only make me feel smaller and less in control- but control isn't everything
I have many faults
time for myself is not time misspent
what you see is what you get
life can be easier if I let it
ignoring the problem won't make it go away
I know more than I think I know but less than I would like to
a little kindness goes a long way
the world is made up of many yet few have the power
it is important to do the right thing and being cliche doesn't change that
wish in one hand and shit in the other

have you ever spent time with a teenager?

ugh. sometimes i wish i could just say exactly how i feel to everybody i know. i'm a halfway decent communicator, there are moments of suck but then there are flashes of light also. so why is it i can't communicate with her?
wait-communication is a two way street. and i'm decidedly alone on this particular stretch of road. i've asked question after question in hopes of sparking some kind of connection. little responses but they are like a little bit of rain in the desert, at first you're hopeful and then you realize that it's already dried up before it even hit the ground.
why am i trying so hard? well, contrary to my hard boiled exterior i'm as delicate as an unfertilized yolk. one prick and my gooey insides are everywhere. of course i want her acceptance. what's more is i wanted to build a relationship with her. perhaps i'm too impatient?
who knows. i can certainly tell you it's only been 38 hours and i'm already counting the days till she leaves.

crazy is as crazy does

damnit. i had written exactly what i wanted to say and then stinky monkey sat on the lap top and erased it.

i feel to sad to try composing it again.

literary damage

to be or not to be that is the question.....

well, that's not MY question.

my question goes a little deeper

to have or not to have.....

that can be applied to so many things:

to have a second helping?

to have a drink?

to have two shots of espresso?

to have a baby?

to have a night out?

to have a stupid pointless fight?

to have or to hold?

to have a cow man?

to have the guts to do it?

to have a healthy fear?

to have my own opinon?

to have a dream?

to have a bowel movement?

to have a temper?

to be or not to be? no-a long time ago maybe. now it's to have or have not. that is the question. whether tis nobler to have and ignore those who lack or have and then give away joining those who lack is the question.

bad hair day

things to NOT do when you don't like your hair cut:

do not go back and demand that she fixes it (it's the only salon in Teatown that i like)

do not dye it some random color hoping that the cut will miraculously fix itself

DO NOT CUT IT YOUR SELF (experience talking here)

do not buy lots of hats if you're not already a hat wearer

do not buy expensive new hair products that you've never tried before

things TO DO when you don't like your hair cut:

do straighten it

do curl it

do put every single product you already own (even those hiding in your closet that you've had for years and years and never used )

do buy cheap hair accessories (cheeeeep)

do try new ways of pinning it in various configurations with all of the above do's enacted and check it every half hour or so.

do chill out and relax-it'll grow out eventually (but go ahead and see if you can't get it fixed while on vacation!)

borrowing from yvanka

things that are my favorite:

the day AFTER the last day of school.

having a healthy glow to my skin

enjoying the silence

brand new cellie

having a savings account

a summer job where you get to make your own schedule and decide your own work type and load