crazy is as crazy does

damnit. i had written exactly what i wanted to say and then stinky monkey sat on the lap top and erased it.

i feel to sad to try composing it again.

literary damage

to be or not to be that is the question.....

well, that's not MY question.

my question goes a little deeper

to have or not to have.....

that can be applied to so many things:

to have a second helping?

to have a drink?

to have two shots of espresso?

to have a baby?

to have a night out?

to have a stupid pointless fight?

to have or to hold?

to have a cow man?

to have the guts to do it?

to have a healthy fear?

to have my own opinon?

to have a dream?

to have a bowel movement?

to have a temper?

to be or not to be? no-a long time ago maybe. now it's to have or have not. that is the question. whether tis nobler to have and ignore those who lack or have and then give away joining those who lack is the question.

bad hair day

things to NOT do when you don't like your hair cut:

do not go back and demand that she fixes it (it's the only salon in Teatown that i like)

do not dye it some random color hoping that the cut will miraculously fix itself

DO NOT CUT IT YOUR SELF (experience talking here)

do not buy lots of hats if you're not already a hat wearer

do not buy expensive new hair products that you've never tried before

things TO DO when you don't like your hair cut:

do straighten it

do curl it

do put every single product you already own (even those hiding in your closet that you've had for years and years and never used )

do buy cheap hair accessories (cheeeeep)

do try new ways of pinning it in various configurations with all of the above do's enacted and check it every half hour or so.

do chill out and relax-it'll grow out eventually (but go ahead and see if you can't get it fixed while on vacation!)

borrowing from yvanka

things that are my favorite:

the day AFTER the last day of school.

having a healthy glow to my skin

enjoying the silence

brand new cellie

having a savings account

a summer job where you get to make your own schedule and decide your own work type and load

wtf wtf wtf`

wtf? i've been tanning a few times recently. it's the first time i've ever gone. on the first day i had this horrible completely irrational fear that the bed was going to close and get jammed randomly and that i would be trapped in a painful death of slowly roasting to death out of some absurd vanity. is that too much or a for real fear? all of the above. i'm only trying to jump start my tan so that i don't fry like bacon in phoenix. fry piggies fry.

My freedom kicks your freedom's ASS

I hate the phrase 'freedom isn't free'. I agree that there is a price to pay when protecting the rights of all. But the connotations of the phrase these days seems to condone (among other things) violence, bullying, and a lack of respect for other cultures. It's as if the phrase is becoming synonomous with 'fuck you'. I'm sure there are those who disagree with me, but really consider it-we are sending our men, women, and children to another country where they die while some try and protect the men, women and children of that country. I have a hard time making the connect between the deaths and violence and how that affects the freedom of the American people. Freedom isn't free there's a hefty fucking fee, but who picks up the tab? Don't ask that question-there will be finger pointing and things of that nature. Unfortunately, ignoring the bill doesn't result in much more resolution than ignoring the stupid utilities man (don't get me started on the monopoly of elecricity, gas, sewer, garbage, and water that exists in my world-that's a rant for another day). So who pays? Do we go dutch? It often feels like I'm on a bad date with some asshole who keeps trying to put his arm around me and grab my tits while expounding on the morals and ethics he holds dear to his heart. Like this one time, during my crazy time as a Mormon girl when I went on a date with this guy-we'll call him David-and it felt like a black and white Twilight show episode. I had worked all day, and I was really tired so I kept yawning. That and the guy was a douche bag who assumed all sorts of ridiculous gender roles for us and that he was in charge. Boring. Every time I yawned he told me how rude it was, and finally he threatened to stick his finger in my mouth the next time I yawned. I'm sure that he wanted to stick something else in my mouth. I told el douche-O that if he did that then I would bite his finger. The smug bastard: "You can't, yawning is a reflex and you won't be able to close your mouth." We only had one date, can you believe it? I pretended to yawn and bit the wacked out freak when he stuck his fucking finger in my mouth. I digress. My point is that I don't really like the way the definition of freedom has morphed to mean something other than 'the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint' But what do I know? Not a goddamn thing, that's for sure.

tootightened

tootightened toofrightened unsettled teakettled stressed strissed undressed shrieked stacked drawn and quartered face feels greasy shoulders tightened there are thoughts and knives and forks and pills thoughts of negative nature making me feel bad things and creating tingles and toes and i have a hard feeling my soul afraid why can't i why won't i don't i shouldn't spiraling spiraling spiraling ouch ouch tingle skreet so take that assholes