Change Change Change

I love fall. It's my favorite season. The harvest, the crisp air, the leaves that change colors and then fall to the ground, crunchy and spent. It's a great time of year.

To be or not to be?

I really want to do it. But I'm afraid to do it. Wtf is my blooming problem?!? Arrg I hate being afraid, indecisive, intimidated, and insecure.

Just do it little girl.

In other news.

I am REALLY glad that this summer gig dropped into my lap. It's a great opportunity for me to gain more experience music directing, which I want to do a lot more of. It's a wonderful connection and hopefully I will be asked back again someday. It looks great on my resume. It could save me if/when my job gets cut next year.

Gratefulness aside, I am TIRED. I never got a break between gigs. I am really tired and I don't have the energy to nest. The desire is there, but the energy is not.

Positive thoughts, positive thoughts.

The end of another year.

Le sigh, I made it. Thank god. This year has been a roller coaster of highs and lows to such extremes that I thought I would die at times. I mean drop dead from frustration, anger, or sheer disdain. If you are dying from simple emotion it usually means you are so upset that something important inside you pops. Not a pleasant way to go.

Sometimes I wonder "Where the hell did this little minions of the dark side come from? Did they crawl from a crack in the ground? Hellmouth in Sunnyvale?" Then I meet their parents, and it becomes crystal clear. There's a good chance if that little turd in your 3rd pd 7th grade class can't demonstrate respect towards a woman that dear ol' dad will be an ASSHOLE on the phone when you call him to discuss his son's shitty behavior. I will not miss these darling little fuck faces. The best part is the students expect you to just take their attitude and annoying behavior. As a teacher, I don't have the right towards feelings or emotions. I am supposed to just take the abuse and be nice and respectful back. Does anyone see the disconnection with basic human emotion here.

I am glad I have a few weeks off to decompress and forget how much I hate other people's children. Before I have to go back to work.

Why must I always have crushes?!?

So I have a crush, but not the kind that you think I have. I know my reputation has preceded me.....no this crush is on a school district. I love what they do there! I covet their classrooms and their support. I want them to call me up and invite me on a date, bringing my favorite flowers and taking me to a nice restaurant. They will order a nice bottle of red wine and the cheese plate as an appetizer and then lean over and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Like "Please come work for us, we need you, we love you, we can't live without you! Anything you want will be yours! New piano, performance space, keyboard lab, smart board, whatever you need, just please don't make us wait!"

We ride off into the sunset and make beautiful music for happily ever after.

Finally! A lazy summer's day...

Breath in, breath out. What a July. 5 nuptials in 7 weeks is entirely too many. Of the 5, we attended 3 rehearsal dinners because we were somehow involved with the ceremonies. All 5 ceremonies were completely different. I have broken them down chronologically.

June 26th
R.& J.
Location: J.'s mom's house (giant place overlooking the marina) in San Rafael, CA
General Feel: Backyard BBQ
Bride wore: Tailored yellow dress with pretty red flowers embroidered throughout.
Groom wore: Matching yellow shirt & chinos
Music: Classical guitar before & during ceremony. Guests had to serenade the bride & groom in order to recieve plates for the buffet.
Food: Potluck buffet-a mish mash of tasty mexican & other random stuff like mac n cheeze with eggs.
Tidbits: A very heartfelt ceremony. The ride to was the worst part. We were staying in San Jose & it was 100 deg and an hour drive. We borrowed a car with no AC & the long & short of it is this: I showed up wearing my bikini & threw my clothes on in the bathroom.

July 11th
G. & S.
Location: Bear Creek Golf Club, Woodinville WA
General Feel: Classic fancy wedding. Not annoying fancy, just really nice fancy.
Bride wore: beautiful white wedding dress with veil.
Groom wore: Tuxedo!
Music: IPod playlist during the ceremony, lady DJ afterwards. G. walked down the aisle to Darth Vader's theme. It was awesome & perfect and he worked it!
Food: Salmon, prime rib, other tasty treats.
Tidbits: Super sweet party. Hung with Chris & Cara for a lot of it (til they ditched me on the dance floor with the REALLY drunk chick).

July 25th
T. & M.
Location: the point at Coleman Park, Seattle, WA
General Feel: A day at the lake!
Bride wore: Tailored renaissance (sp?) dress in green & gold.
Groom wore: green vest & white shirt. Lookin' sharp!
Music: Celtic band for ceremony & after party.
Food: Sandwiches, fruit, veggies. Deviled eggs, which I ate as many of as possible because I love them and am too lazy to make them for my own enjoyment.
Tidbits: One of those thing where everything that could go wrong, well, DID go wrong. But they got married & the ceremony was awesome and shortly after the church group partying next to us in the park had baptisms in Lake WA. And I went swimming cuz it was HOT.

July 31st
A. & R.
Location: Mt. Baker Community Center, Seattle, WA
General Feel: A rocking party!
Bride wore: A gorgeous cream colored dress. Beatiful lace & sparkle details.
Groom wore: A nice charcoal suit.
Music: Me! I sang her down the aisle & noodled afterwards during the cocktail hour. For dancing there was Ipod list that supplemented the fantastic funk band (they were really good-louder than hell but good!).
Food: Prime rib, shrimps, pasta buffet. Boroccinis' Cake-Good stuff.
Tidbits: R. is my best friend, and I was so happy to help and be a part of their wedding. It was hot, but everyone looked so good, and I danced my heart out all night long. Someone, not to be named, got a little too drunk (re: a LOT) and threw up. And up. And up some more. But all in all it was a fabulous evening.

August 1st (yea-the next day!)
Z. & K.
Location: Lake Union Cafe
General Feel: Wedding
Bride wore: white dress with the most beautiful veil I've seen.
Groom wore: Tuxedo with running shoes
Music: pianist noodling before ceremony, bride walked to Canon in D, DJ for dancing.
Food: Wedding Buffet (at this point-I'm over it!) Ben & Jerry's ice cream cones.
Tidbits: Too small a place for people to move around comfortably. I wouldn't really care for myself, but my papa is 90 & moving is difficult for him. It presented extra stress. My cousin's daughter, Bella-8 months old and she stole the show. She's got fat arms & did a great baby dance. Everyone was on the floor doing the Bella.

Please. No more weddings for a while. Thanks.

Do you sense the pattern?

I am very tired. Granted, I knew that this job was going to kick my ass-I watched my pappy become worn down and a shadow of his former self. However that doesn't change the fact that I am completely worn out and lacking all sorts of motivation to do anything. I started a group that meets at 7 am before school because I'm trying to build a program at this shabby little school. Rehearsals for the musical have started, and they go until 5 (because I am trying to build a program at this shabby little school) so on Tues, Wed & Thurs I have kids from 7 am to 5 pm with a 90 minute break. Which is NOT LONG ENOUGH.

"So what?" You say. "Man up-you can do it!"

Well, quite right I say. Now let's put the rest of the puzzle pieces into place. I have 2 church jobs (because one job at crazy church just ain't enough!). Rehearsals are Tues 7-8 and Thurs 5:45-6:45, performances 5-8 on Sat & 8:45-10:30 on Sundays. Do-able right? WTF is the big deal? Lotsa people work every day of the week-why're you whining you pansy!?!

Well, let's add in the prep work for school, an hour before and an hour after school. I really only do one of those hours, but that doesn't change the fact that there is that much work that needs to be done. So I am constantly falling behind, already behind, in 'ready to kill myself because I will never catch up' behind. May we please add the threat of RIFS (Reduction In Force), the cutting of the arts budget, the reduction in MY SALARY, and the death of yearly pay increases? Because you asked so nicely-why shore!!

But wait-there's more!!

My schedule is changing next year-we will start earlier and be done earlier-not bad. But admin managed to sneak an extra 10 minutes of teaching time that we will not get paid for. Imagine working an extra hour a week without compensation. On top of the extra 10 you work without compensation. And a pay cut looming. Don't mind me, the paper bag always makes that crinkly sound when I hyperventilate. And now the school district would like us good for nothing, lazy, over paid and under qualified teachers to let the students into our rooms when they arrive at 7 am. But they aren't calling it 'contact time' so we won't get paid for that either. Ahem-who do you think will be sued if something happens to their kid in my room at that time of the morning? I'll give you a hint-it's not a large man with an afinity for red!!

But what really really REALLY pisses me off is the declaration that NO DENIM will be allowed at schools anymore. Except on Fridays, and only if you make a $5 donation to the charity of the district's choice.
(WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING)

Well who the holy hell fire damnation do you think you fucking are?!? You half wit morons who don't have anything better to do than sit around and figure out more mutherfukin' hoops for us idjits to jump through can kiss my rosy red ass. I will wear jeans on Friday if I happen to have the itch in my tiny twat to do so. I have had it with your lack of reality, your sense of superiority and your ability to piss me right the fuck off. If I want to wear jeans-I'm going to fucking do it without any pussy pansy kowtowing to you and your bitchy charities. I AM TRYING TO BE A GOOD TEACHER!!! PLEASE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY AND STOP HASSLEING ME WITH THE SMALL SHITE, YOU SMALL SHITS!

ahem-that is all.